Safety in F/m Dynamics

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It has come to my attention that safety seems to be pretty low down the priority list for male S types when engaging in BDSM activities with a female D type. I can only guess at the reasons but these are my thoughts as to why;

  • Males aren't as personal safety risk aware as females innately.
  • Males think being alone with a female Dominant isn't an issue because they could always overpower a female if they had to.
  • Male subs don't see themselves as a threat to the safety of the female D type, so it doesn't occur to them that the female D type may still be cautious about her own safety.
  • Male S types are caught up in their own fantasy of BDSM activities that they're just not thinking wisely.

This probably applies to scene and event based events too, but even more so with private pick up play or Professional sessions.

It's pretty insane, in my view both parties are in a high risk situation. The male sub has the risk of incriminating photos being taken and being outed or blackmailed, the Domme could restrain the S type and let other people into the room. Theft. Anything could happen. Men aren't immune to being the victims of crime.

While it must be lovely to go through life, or even the BDSM world not thinking about safety that much, I have to say, there is little that frustrates me and concerns me as much in the BDSM world as this does.

I am a Pro-Domme. I meet men I do not know very well at all, often with little to no background on them, in hotel rooms. It's inherently risky. I meet them first in a public space and I have safety checks and measures in place. Still though, I admit this is a fairly high risk situation and my own safety is always at the front of my mind.

I am also aware that it's a risky situation for them as well, so I mitigate that by showing that I have references from people, building a reputation for being a safe and responsible player and asking a set of pre-meet safety questions.

So when I come across a male S type that not only disregards my own personal safety checks, but also isn't interested in the safety checks I use for their own safety and well-being (such as questions about medical issues, hard limits, safewords, places they don't wish to be touched, allergies etc) then it just reflects really damn badly on them. Why would any D type want to play with an S type who has disregard for their own safety?? And if they have total disregard for their own safety, they sure as hell aren't going to care about the D types safety are they?

So, male S types. I know safety checks aren’t sexy and aren’t part of your fantasy. But if you aren't prepared to have a chat about safety and answer my very basic, reasonable questions, then I will not play with you. Simple as that.

If you can't play by my safety rules, they why on earth would you play by my kink rules?

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Posted on 18th November 2019

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